Spring has sprung, and with that means James is in the tractor all day every day. We are going on day three right now. He is currently planting beets. Logan has been with him for 4 hours now, and that is nice. I hope they are having good father/son talks, and also having fun.
I really don't have anything on my mind today; however, I'm sure I can come up with something.
Conference was last weekend, as was my birthday, fyi. Conference was awesome, as always. It left me feeling all the more grateful for my beautiful family. I feel like I am valuing the blessing that my children are, just a bit more. I've definitely shown them more love, kindness, and patience. Patience. I really wish that was something I had more of. I think that's why this has been a good week, because I have physically felt myself reserve any unkind and impatient thoughts. That is always a good thing.
The sun is shining outside. It is beautiful. The wind is blowing. That is not beautiful. I could do with out the wind. It hurts my eyes and flips my hair around in the most annoying ways.
About a month ago, James and I had one of our discussions. It basically ended with him saying that he is in a better mood when I am in a good mood. Some days are harder than others, but I have been trying harder to "be" in a good mood when he gets home. I am actually usually plenty happy, but you know that there are days that are hard and you don't want to be in a good mood. Those are the days that I put on a happy face. When James is happy, I am happy. So if I can fake it until he lifts my spirits, then so be it. James really does make me happy. He doesn't know the tricks to make me happy when I am down, but he is the biggest trick there is to make me happy. Just being with him. I love him.
Friday, April 11, 2014
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Vibe
I think James must have caught my vibe. He just sent a text saying we are going on a date tonight. I knew he loved me. :) Honestly, I never doubted it.
Scouts
James is the scout master/counselor in the young men's presidency. This calling makes him a bit busy. Not too bad, but it does require that he goes on camp outs once a month. I hate it when James is gone at night. Actually, I hate it when he is gone at all for any period of time, and this includes while he is at work.
Last night was one of those camp outs. James went to work in the morning, around 8:30, then came in the house a little after 5:00, showered as fast as he could, and walked out the door at 5:15 to go on the camp out. I saw him for maybe 30 seconds. Then he came home this morning, gave me a quick kiss, and walked out the door to work again. Ugh. I hate that! I don't get to see him for 2 whole days! I do not begrudge his calling, although I admit to being grouchy on those days he has camp outs. What I begrudge is that he is not in the mood to go on a date after that. And I need a date! I need to feel as important to James as his calling and work is to him.
James is a really great guy. Super. He does more for me than I could ever ask for. But for crying out loud, he really struggles with this kind of stuff. I don't know why it is so hard for him to understand/remember that I need some one-on-one time with him - away from home. Something to make me feel special to him.
This reminds me of a story a girl in the ward told me. Her name is Mandy. She said that every year for her birthday her husband asks her what she wants, and every year she gives him the same answer. She wants a massage, from a professional. Every year he blows it off saying that he will give her a massage, so what else does she want?
I told that story to James, and he laughed, instantly recognizing that her husband is being stupid.
Need I mention how many of the "discussions" James and I have had are about me needing more of his special attention? That if he wants me to stay cheerful, I need him to be more sensitive to my needs?
I fear that I am starting to sound selfish. It's all about me, right? Well, let me be clear that I have asked James on more than one occasion what he needs me to do for him to make him feel special or happy, or fulfilled, whatever you want to call it. You know, that man is the easiest person in the world to please. All he requires is a clean home and a happy wife.
I spent last night and all morning cleaning the house. Doing those cleaning chores that are once a year chores. Or once a month.
So, basically, I'm ready for James to take me on a date.
Last night was one of those camp outs. James went to work in the morning, around 8:30, then came in the house a little after 5:00, showered as fast as he could, and walked out the door at 5:15 to go on the camp out. I saw him for maybe 30 seconds. Then he came home this morning, gave me a quick kiss, and walked out the door to work again. Ugh. I hate that! I don't get to see him for 2 whole days! I do not begrudge his calling, although I admit to being grouchy on those days he has camp outs. What I begrudge is that he is not in the mood to go on a date after that. And I need a date! I need to feel as important to James as his calling and work is to him.
James is a really great guy. Super. He does more for me than I could ever ask for. But for crying out loud, he really struggles with this kind of stuff. I don't know why it is so hard for him to understand/remember that I need some one-on-one time with him - away from home. Something to make me feel special to him.
This reminds me of a story a girl in the ward told me. Her name is Mandy. She said that every year for her birthday her husband asks her what she wants, and every year she gives him the same answer. She wants a massage, from a professional. Every year he blows it off saying that he will give her a massage, so what else does she want?
I told that story to James, and he laughed, instantly recognizing that her husband is being stupid.
Need I mention how many of the "discussions" James and I have had are about me needing more of his special attention? That if he wants me to stay cheerful, I need him to be more sensitive to my needs?
I fear that I am starting to sound selfish. It's all about me, right? Well, let me be clear that I have asked James on more than one occasion what he needs me to do for him to make him feel special or happy, or fulfilled, whatever you want to call it. You know, that man is the easiest person in the world to please. All he requires is a clean home and a happy wife.
I spent last night and all morning cleaning the house. Doing those cleaning chores that are once a year chores. Or once a month.
So, basically, I'm ready for James to take me on a date.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Great Hubby
More than one thought for one day.
James is not perfect. Sometimes that is hard for me to believe, other times I would give that a resounding, "AMEN"! But I did owe him an apology last week, and his response humbled me greatly. So, here is a basic back story.
James gets tunnel vision when it is something that he gets excited about. A few months ago he got really excited about getting a new pickup. I was promised all sorts of things about this new pickup, mostly having to do with money, and those promises were not broken per se, but definitely bent. He did nothing without talking to me first, which is what is most important, but we ended up investing a bunch of money and buying a new, too expensive pick up that I was not comfortable with.
This new pickup has taken up so much time and energy because it was previously in a wreck and it has been a slow process to get it fixed. One night, laying in bed, shorty after the purchase of this pickup, James said something about how much it had cost us so far. The number surprised me a bit, even though I was vaguely aware of it's cost. After all this stress we had gone through, thus far, about the pickup, this just sent my mental capacity over the cliff into la la land. The conversation that ensued afterwards lasted until 2:00 in the morning. I say conversation because James and I typically don't yell at each other, but we were for sure fighting. I don't know that I said anything that was terrible, but I sure did accuse James, a lot, of not being a sensitive husband. This accusation astounded him, because the reality is, James is nothing if not sensitive to me. The problem we have is that James doesn't always know how to be the sensitive this sensitive girl needs. If you ask him what I need, he could probably tell you, but that's the stuff that doesn't come naturally to him. I want a phone call every day, I want a random, "I was thinking of you when I saw this" present. I want surprise dates - actually, I just want dates. The rest of the stuff I need, he is really great at doing. I could write pages and pages of what makes James AMAZING, and I probably will do just that in the coming posts. But that night, all I could see were his flaws. We finally went to bed in a some what happy state, but the next couple of days I still didn't feel right in my heart. I've never had that nagging feeling at me after a fight. I said a prayer in hopes that it would give me strength to do what I needed to do.
I swallowed my pride and told James that I wasn't sorry for what our fight had been about, but that I was sorry for some of the things I had said. I was sorry for saying that he wasn't sensitive to me etc. I just needed to say I was sorry.
James pulled me over and gave me a big hug, insisting that there was nothing to be sorry for. I basically begged him to never divorce me. I do not know how he so wonderfully handles my crazy thought process and wild mood swings.
Just so you all know, not that there is a you all, but just so you know, James and I have the best, happiest marriage in the world. That statement probably isn't true, but I'd say ours is in the top 5% of the worlds happiest marriages. I do feel confident saying that.
James is not perfect. Sometimes that is hard for me to believe, other times I would give that a resounding, "AMEN"! But I did owe him an apology last week, and his response humbled me greatly. So, here is a basic back story.
James gets tunnel vision when it is something that he gets excited about. A few months ago he got really excited about getting a new pickup. I was promised all sorts of things about this new pickup, mostly having to do with money, and those promises were not broken per se, but definitely bent. He did nothing without talking to me first, which is what is most important, but we ended up investing a bunch of money and buying a new, too expensive pick up that I was not comfortable with.
This new pickup has taken up so much time and energy because it was previously in a wreck and it has been a slow process to get it fixed. One night, laying in bed, shorty after the purchase of this pickup, James said something about how much it had cost us so far. The number surprised me a bit, even though I was vaguely aware of it's cost. After all this stress we had gone through, thus far, about the pickup, this just sent my mental capacity over the cliff into la la land. The conversation that ensued afterwards lasted until 2:00 in the morning. I say conversation because James and I typically don't yell at each other, but we were for sure fighting. I don't know that I said anything that was terrible, but I sure did accuse James, a lot, of not being a sensitive husband. This accusation astounded him, because the reality is, James is nothing if not sensitive to me. The problem we have is that James doesn't always know how to be the sensitive this sensitive girl needs. If you ask him what I need, he could probably tell you, but that's the stuff that doesn't come naturally to him. I want a phone call every day, I want a random, "I was thinking of you when I saw this" present. I want surprise dates - actually, I just want dates. The rest of the stuff I need, he is really great at doing. I could write pages and pages of what makes James AMAZING, and I probably will do just that in the coming posts. But that night, all I could see were his flaws. We finally went to bed in a some what happy state, but the next couple of days I still didn't feel right in my heart. I've never had that nagging feeling at me after a fight. I said a prayer in hopes that it would give me strength to do what I needed to do.
I swallowed my pride and told James that I wasn't sorry for what our fight had been about, but that I was sorry for some of the things I had said. I was sorry for saying that he wasn't sensitive to me etc. I just needed to say I was sorry.
James pulled me over and gave me a big hug, insisting that there was nothing to be sorry for. I basically begged him to never divorce me. I do not know how he so wonderfully handles my crazy thought process and wild mood swings.
Just so you all know, not that there is a you all, but just so you know, James and I have the best, happiest marriage in the world. That statement probably isn't true, but I'd say ours is in the top 5% of the worlds happiest marriages. I do feel confident saying that.
New & Humbled
I don't do so well writing in my journal, but I have so many thoughts I think about writing in it. It is just so slow to actually hand write them out. I sit at the computer plenty during the day, so I thought I would give this a shot, making a journal blog. Not for anyone to read, not to advertise, but just a place for me to write my thoughts. If someone happens to trip upon it, well then I hope they find something that entertains them.
We had our relief society activity two days ago. We honored the homesteader sisters in the ward. We didn't get to hear as many of the "cool" stories as I would have liked, but I heard enough to keep me humbled.
You see, just the day before James and I were having one of those "worst day ever" kind of days. The wind was blowing 60-80 mph, and it did some great damage outside. It blew down three trees and the grain silo, among other things. The worst part was that we found out that our "brand new pick-up" had not been properly fixed and would cost another 2-3 thousand to have it repaired the right way. This pick up has been a giant headache from the get go. It was just really getting to both of us.
(I really don't do well with money issues. Mentally, that is. I don't handle them well mentally.)
Listening to some of these stories from the old women, really put my small problems into perspective. I haven't had to live in a chicken coop for years while my new (tiny) house was being built. I don't have to drive for miles every day just to pick up my water that I will use for the day. I don't have to walk to the grocery store with my kids in tow. I don't have a leaky house that has dirt blown in it every time the wind blows. (It blows hard every day!)
Who am I to plead to my Heavenly Father to help me come to terms with the bad news about our pickup? Why doesn't he just give me the "buck-up" speech that I deserve? Why does he calm my troubled heart, sooth my soul and reassure me that all will be well? I don't deserve that. I guess he also gave me the blessing of going to that relief society meeting and listening to those stories. It was a great reminder to me that I am blessed beyond what I deserve.
I shared my thoughts with James and he told me to write them down. He's cool like that. I love him.
We had our relief society activity two days ago. We honored the homesteader sisters in the ward. We didn't get to hear as many of the "cool" stories as I would have liked, but I heard enough to keep me humbled.
You see, just the day before James and I were having one of those "worst day ever" kind of days. The wind was blowing 60-80 mph, and it did some great damage outside. It blew down three trees and the grain silo, among other things. The worst part was that we found out that our "brand new pick-up" had not been properly fixed and would cost another 2-3 thousand to have it repaired the right way. This pick up has been a giant headache from the get go. It was just really getting to both of us.
(I really don't do well with money issues. Mentally, that is. I don't handle them well mentally.)
Listening to some of these stories from the old women, really put my small problems into perspective. I haven't had to live in a chicken coop for years while my new (tiny) house was being built. I don't have to drive for miles every day just to pick up my water that I will use for the day. I don't have to walk to the grocery store with my kids in tow. I don't have a leaky house that has dirt blown in it every time the wind blows. (It blows hard every day!)
Who am I to plead to my Heavenly Father to help me come to terms with the bad news about our pickup? Why doesn't he just give me the "buck-up" speech that I deserve? Why does he calm my troubled heart, sooth my soul and reassure me that all will be well? I don't deserve that. I guess he also gave me the blessing of going to that relief society meeting and listening to those stories. It was a great reminder to me that I am blessed beyond what I deserve.
I shared my thoughts with James and he told me to write them down. He's cool like that. I love him.
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